Some Angst


It seems as calm as I try to be on the outside – there always seems to be a little bit of angst on the inside

This time I could not hide it

I had reached out to this 3 to 4th predicted cousin this past summer – still waiting for a response.

So, I decided to try him again. But why him? Good question!! It seems that there is something in DNA called a ‘haplogroup’. I am H5. On the 23andme site I have over 1100 matches; only one ‘MT’ is also H5. This haplogroup originates from your maternal side. You can only get it from your mother.

If you are female and have no male close relatives to test with on the DNA site; then the relative matches cannot be discerned as maternal or paternal.Since I do not know any ‘close’ male relatives a dad, brother, paternal uncle or paternal grandfather – I do not have the luxury of finding out how I am related to any of my matches. All I know is that we share DNA. Some of them can figure out if I am on their maternal or paternal sides – but that is where the buck stops!

This H5 match means I can be certain he is on my maternal side. I know that is probably an aunt or great aunt or 3rd cousins to him that can be mother. So, even though we share only 62cM’s over 4 segments, the H5 is HUGE in me finding out some of my truths. The road is blocked for me right now unless I can get some kind of response from him. [I probably should have peeped him on FB; but MT is there for all the world to find! and not so far from where I was found! Coincidence; I think not!]

I sent him my entire story back in August and had no response. So, again today I have almost pleaded with him for some kind of acknowledgment. Maybe it is here that I am having the hardest time –  acknoweldgement – almost like I don’t have enough value for MY FAMILY to say – hey – she’s ours – with all her quirks and funny nose and little bits of OCD – she is OURS!! Let’s put her on the front porch ’cause we got her back!!

Maybe I am hoping for too much!

Here is the excerpt of today’s plea:

Hi MT –

thought I would try to reach out to you again as I try to put the puzzle pieces of the start of my life together and try to figure out my true origins; my story …

This may be a tender subject – maybe you have heard rumors or know the story – maybe this is a big skeleton in someone’s closet.
All I want is to find the truth and some peace!
Hoping you can feel my plight, see my side and know that as an adoptee I have been living someone else’s life; someone else’s truth. Since you have done the DNA testing; maybe you are building your family tree; I cannot. I cannot answer questions about my health history because I don’t have any.
I am ready to live my truth; to know my story; to own it.           That is all!!!!


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