Elated!! Ecstatic!!


Wonderful fabulous week and it’s only Tuesday!!!

I spend so much time on the DNA sites; checking for new matches; looking at names, looking for hints of information. Calculating how can I be related to this person? How can I connect the dots of their life & world to mine. Where do they live now?  Where has their family lived?

Over thinking until I am exhausted and still empty. My cup runneth over with information; but it is too distant for me to make sense of it – YET!!!!

But yesterday …. YESTERDAY I found out I finally have a surname I can call my own … Miranda!!! It’s official! thank good news for MY COUSIN TRACIE, who figured this all out. Her acumen in Gedmatch is to be admired!! I am still pretty green on doing this.

Finally!!  Finally!!!    Finally!!!!   HUGE sigh of relief!!!

Late last night with the last bit of energy I had to stay awake; I exuberantly entered my newly confirmed surname into my profile on Ancestry, FTDNA & 23andme.

It gets better though … I have been in contact via the DNA sites ‘in-mail’, email, phone calls, Facebook, texts and also working on Skype calls.

I have been fortunate to have so many new cousins. These new additions are under the special grouping of primas & family in my contacts. I know each day how increasingly important they have become because each time I see an email or a call or even a FB entry that they have made; I cannot wait to get to it, to answer that call. And when I do, I am smiling from ear to ear! Truly, I consider them friends as well because they are lovely wonderful warm open hearted people.

Well, this Friday I meet my cousin Karen IN THE FLESH.

This is the VERY FIRST COUSINS I WILL MEET IN PERSON!! [squeal squeal squeal].  I cannot wait!

Two Tribes One Woman Confused Heritage


It’s been amazing to learn of my original heritage. It’s a heritage full of culture, passionate people, beautiful island.

But for fifty years; I have been submersed in another culture, different foods, language, similar but different traditions.

I find comfort in what I know; although everyday I try to learn more about my original beginnings and celebrate it; I am still a visitor.

More Stories of Mi Primos


Unsure of even what the title for this should be; ‘more adoption stories’, ‘what an interesting DNA family we have’,

The bottom line is that I have found I am not so unique, not so alone. Our ‘DNA’ family seems to have a few more stories in the proverbial closet.

As I have delved into the world of DNA testing and been given a slew of ‘matches’ I have been privy to their stories as well.

There are several; these are the ones I know of:
AO – looking for her bio-dad. AS a an adult with an adult son; she finally heard the truth from her mom. She won’t believe anything until science, DNA test confirms it.

SO – Korean born, adopted West Coast, USA

BA – lives in the Carolina area, never had any identifying info

SM – really has no info, is looking

KA – figured it all out, denied by birth mother

MB – looking for immediate family info, parents perished at an early age; they were both 25. They left behind 5 small children to become orphans. Why are she & her siblings so fair with blond hair? What are there roots?

LF – born here on the East Coast, relocated to Europe where she has been for decades. Enlisted the assistance of a genealogical PI and found her mom & brother. After meeting & engaging with her bio-brother that has some serious emotional issues, she agrees with her mom; her being adopted out was the best thing the mom could have done.

SR – adopted out twice and then finally left home as a teenager. Out on her own, she is a success story. finally able to piece together her story because of another shared match that shed light. She knows her grandfather on his deathbed let her siblings know they had a sister out there and this regret could not go with him to the next plane.

DM & TB – sisters, they also have at least one other brother who I have noticed as a match for me in the DNA sites. They are looking for their dad.

SM – looking for her dad; was never in the picture growing up. Had no idea who he was. finally did DNA testing and a 3rd cousin to me matched her very closely.Turned out it was her dad’s first cousin. There was a brief reunion after he was ‘informed’ he had a daughter. Then it hit the rocks. Hoping that things work themselves out soon for them.

LV – very little info on her dad’s side of the family. One of many children spread far and wide … was he even ‘legit’?

Patricia – born in Spain, unsure of even her birth year, had surgery as an infant or toddler, scar to prove it. Her parents are probably from Puerto Rico. She has recently done DNA testing and is using social media and every other type of communication to get her story out. I am in awe of her perseverance, dedication, and all to well understand her obsession with finding out her truth. Her story  We are in connected through social media, email back and forth, but there is a caveat for me and this new found cousin is that we are separated not just by the ocean; but by language.                                                  Her story is pasted below!

HA – half siblings out there; they didn’t grow up together and so they shun their blood.

MN – adopted, found his mom; looking for his dad.
Has a good relationship with his half sisters.

AR – grew up with very abusive, abandoning and inattentive mom. Finally met his father. After meeting him, mother divulged he was a product of rape.

HO – a 2nd to 4th cousin that might hold a key, a false hope; his mom was adopted; no information there either.

Reached out – waiting to hear back:
H – adopted out as infant; looking for her birth family & roots.
A – adopted, knows birth name
I – grew up in an orphanage in the Bronx

MV – a cousin of a cousin. We actually share many cousins; we are thinking probably we are cousins – but have been unconnected through random recombination. We have connected through social media and she is actually the translating go between for Patricia & I. She too is looking for her dad.


Patricia’s Story!!!  Please feel free to share / re-post, talk about it / get the word out however you can!!!

New Information – Maternal surname – Adela / Paternal Surname – Thomas

Weighed in 2 lbs appox in the February 1976 – due to congenital heart condition? or low birth weight – unknown still at this time.

Mi busqueda realizada por Annette

Esta es una historia real y tu oportunidad de ayudar a alguien- por favor léelo y compártelo. Patricia Perez Saes fue adoptada y criada en España y se acaba de realizar pruebas de ADN con las cuales descubrió que su madre es PUERTORRIQUEÑA. Su madre pudo estar estudiando en alguna universidad o residiendo en España entre 1974 y 1977. Pudo haber dado a su bebé en adopción voluntariamente, como pudo haber sido presionada o víctima de un esquema de robo de niños que hubo en el mismo hogar de adopción de Madrid en el cual estuvo Patricia, situado justo al lado de un hospital en el cual muchas veces le decían a las madres que sus bebé había fallecido, para darlo en adopción. Patricia es una prima lejana mía, según revelan las pruebas de ADN, pero tan lejana que hace imposible identificar por quién exactamente estamos emparentadas. La quiero ayudar a encontrar a su mamá y necesita la ayuda de puertorriqueños que compartan esto, para regar la voz, con la esperanza de que su madre vea esto. Quizás es alguien que ha vivido con el dolor de pensar a una hija muerta, o quizás apretar ese botón le da la oportunidad de una vida, de conocer a esa bebé que, por razones que desconocemos, entregó hace 4 décadas.
This is a true story and your chance to help someone-please read it and share it. Patricia Perez Saes was adopted and raised in Spain and just DNA testing with which he discovered that his mother is PUERTO RICAN. His mother could be studying at a university or residing in Spain between 1974 and 1977 could have given her baby up for adoption voluntarily, as might have been pressed or the victim of a theft scheme of children in the household were making Madrid in which Patricia was located right next to a hospital in which often were telling mothers their babies had died, to give it up for adoption. Patricia is a distant cousin of mine, as revealed by DNA testing, but so far it impossible to identify exactly who we’re related. I want to help find his mom and need help Puerto Ricans share this, to spread the word, hoping that her mother sees this. Maybe someone who has lived with the pain of thinking to a dead child, or perhaps push that button gives you the opportunity of a lifetime, to meet the baby, for reasons unknown, gave 4 decades.







Tell me who I am:

A product of love;

A result of uncontrolled lust?

A quest

A search

Where life began?  Mine.

A quest to find her – hopes not to diminish

With the bearing of bad news.

A skeleton memory in a dark closet

buried away – is me.

Pictured in my mind is She

Soft quiet woman

A warm face, a smile

disturbing a domestic moment

in Her casual, but comfortable life.

A projected conversation

filled with emotion

years of catching up;

not knowing; wondering,

Caring in a strange-

removed sort of way.

How to equate this upcoming experience-

Meeting of the hearts that once had beat

as one.

Although, I have lived

Amongst its midst,

There is still much to be learned of human behavior.

The reality of a letdown

governs my thoughts.

My mind still naive and young

So filled with apprehension

The desire for knowing You

has not diminshed

Because, unselfishly

you increased

my chances for survival.

For now to scrutinize the faces of women

that may just be you

will have to satisfy my desires

When grown older and wiser

to seek your presence

But, only if in agreement,

Will I.

When young

taking a punishment felt undeserved

Wishing for You to save me from ‘this’.

My Unseen Heroine

You shall remain, for now.

My Story


What is my story? I have always known I was adopted. My older sister was adopted at age three. In fact, she remembered her foster family and was terribly upset about being separated from her foster brother PJ.

How do I know this fact since she is four years and three months to the day older than I [if I even know my correct birth-date?]. Because the story lived on … it was my sister’s first night with our parents and mom said; let’s put your pj’s on [ referring to pajamas. Well, it seemed that was the name of her foster brother and she became inconsolable.

To this day; whenever I use the shortcut for pajamas it is with trepidation; am I triggering something for someone? Will they have a reaction? These are part of my early memories. My sister has just always known this is how it is. Her christening picture always prominently displayed portrays her accurately in her blue dress, white hat, white gloves walking with her god-parents. they didn’t have to lean over to walk and hold her hand; at three she was independent and tall enough to make this an easy stride for all of them.

I was a bit younger for my christening. My picture I am sitting with hands holding me in place. Not sure how stable I was on my feet. However independent I was – not recommended that I be left to my own devices.

I remember the conversation; it was in the car and we were driving up to my grandparents house in Brewster, NY. my sister and I were in the backseat, I must have been about five or six years old. ‘You know you are adopted.’ my mom looked back at me as she asked the question. I looked at her, unemotional, and answered factually, ‘yes’. I don’t remember it being discussed often. My mom would tell me, your birth-mother was Italian, you were the first born. Little else was shared. I do remember vividly how confused I felt whenever I broached the subject of finding out my birth family. On one hand, my mom would tell me this part of the story, but she would make me feel like I was betraying her for wanting to know my truth. I didn’t enjoy feeling like the enemy.

Did she know my story. My aunts say “no”, emphatically. But she would have been privy to my case file. She had to have known. There is no way to question her now. None of this information came to light until she had departed this realm. Another question with no possible answer falls to the way side.

Clarification: When I refer to my parents; the only ones I / we knew, who were there for me/us, and took care of us. The ones that we called Mom & Dad. The ones that answered us when we yelled, screamed, cried or just said Mom / Dad. They were far from perfect, I don’t think we won any awards for ‘kid of the year’ either. A few facts I always balance that statement out with – they choose us, they took on the responsibility of us and they did the best they could with the tools they had. I don’t think I could even fathom comparing parents of today to parents of the generation I was raised in because we have come so far in technology and understanding and knowledge.

Happy Birthday Ewoks! Their Adoption Story!


Our puppies, lovingly referred to as Ewoks, because they resemble the cartoon / Star Wars characters if the same name.
Eight years ago this upcoming Thanksgiving we became the proud owners of brother & sister, Java & Kona.

I wonder sometimes, is it fair that we took them from their mom, their siblings, their pack. That not only have we separated them from their biological family, but have tried to ‘re-wire’ their thinking, their actions; essentially their innate nature!

Is it right that we consider them property? After all they are living breathing beings that require food, water and some kind of relationship. Who is to say they need to be complex or be able to do what we do. They are beings filled with emotion; with their own minds, their own likes & dislikes, their own personalities.

Well, they are ours because of a fondness, a bit understated, we have for them and they for us. They aren’t objects or possessions; they are our furry children. We care for them, look out for them, consider their best interests, take them on vacations with us because we love them they are part of our family.

But, we are not there biological parents. Do they miss their family? Did we have the right to separate them?
It’s too late now for these two; but I am sooo happy we have them in our lives!

Patricia, another adopted cousin reaching out; this time from Spain!


Yesterday I received a 23andme message from a new match. It seems a cousins from across the Atlantic has reached out. She is looking for her birth-family also. She is unsure of not just her date of birth; but also her year of birth.

There is a slight language barrier, she speaks Spanish & French fluently, she is unsure of her English. I speak English & Brooklyn-ese.

Appreciate technology and Google translate. Unsure of how much it gets across my actual meaning – but it’s all we have for now. I am excited to meet another cousin. However, the list of adopted cousins continues to grow – I guess 10 or so out of 1000+ isn’t so bad!

I have some ideas for her; I wait to hear back from her.



Vera’s email


Another false alarm!
The email came in as I was just leaving from work. Although my ride home was less than 15 minutes; my anxieties were up and I could feel and hear my heartbeat – faster and faster.
She clearly stated in the email; I don’t want to get your hopes up; but I think you may be the daughter of a cousin of mine. I read your profile; you were never abandoned; always always loved and wanted.

Reaching Out


Again I stare at the results 

wait – we match on the “X”

wait – we match on chromosome 18 – then we must all share the same common ancestor. 

I reach out to a handful of the 45 DNA matches from chromosome 8 that I have been in previous contact with.

Do I have their gedcoms / family tree? did I add it in to my excel spreadsheet? 

HMMM [disappointed] Still no clear connections of how our ancestors paths have crossed.



23andme – 1116 matches;  FTDNA – 396 matches;   Gedmatch – 1500 matches.

Who are these people, do they know something?

I look at the results and I look at them – wanting the answers – waiting for them to JUMP right out at me –

Reaching out, asking questions, comparing chromosomes.

I sit and I wait

and I am still waiting

I am still overwhelmed by this information and still unsure how to accurately maneuver around it, in it, next to it.