What’s in a name? What’s mine?

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A way we define ourselves
Our nationalities
Our culture
Our traditions
Our family

Whenever my sister and I found ourselves under the scrutiny of our parents, because we had done something they felt was wrong, the statement – “I gave them my name” was held over over our heads. In retrospect; I never really paid it much attention. More recently, though, I wonder, what was my name before my adoption?

Does a name really define us? It is the one of the primary ways others define us?

If we look to conception; we start out simple and then grow into so many other roles. But that singular word; our first name defines us to our immediate family and friends later on; our surname will define us to many others throughout our life time.

We start first as

  • Baby
  • Gender defined
  • child
  • sibling
  • grandchild
  • niece / nephew
  • cousin
  • etc.

then we change into the age related categories

  • infant
  • toddler
  • preschooler
  • elementary school aged
  • pre-teen / prepubescent
  • teenager
  • HS senior
  • HS graduate
  • new driver
  • college student
  • college graduate
  • worker bee
  • spouse / SO
  • parent
  • middle aged
  • retired
  • senior
  • referred to in the past

and the cycle starts again

Still, I may be all of those things whether here in my life sustaining tribe or with my original tribe. The fact is that I was adopted, and welcomed into someone else’s tribe; that I appreciate. But the question still lingers – what is my original name. Like that age old Zen Koan; ‘what was your face before you were born?’

What are the names of my biological tribe?

  • my parents
  • my sibling/s
  • my grandparents
  • my cousins
  • my aunts
  • my uncles

Where would I be today if I had remained with my original tribe?

Documentary?? Too Good to be true … but THANKS Universe – I would love to!!!

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Since I found out my true story; I tried to do the search thing ‘old school detective style’. It hasn’t yielded any insight into who my birth-parents could be.

After years of disappointing efforts I was enchanted with affordable DNA testing. Here again, my hopes were raised; but not too high, my *closest public relative is about 3.8 generations* from me. There are second cousins on one of them; but for whatever reasons they have chosen to remain that way even after I had contacted them a few times.

However, DNA testing has been incredibly successful in other ways. So many things have come to light: my nationalities, a plethora of family from my ‘Original Tribe’. In addition I have been privy to many family stories – that may or may not also belong to me – yet I have a sense of ownership because even if they aren’t ‘mine’ per-see, they are the stories of my cousins!

In my quest to find my Original Tribe; I have been on adoption sites for years and more recently on Facebook Adoptee / Triad pages. I sporadically will visit the pages. One lucky day, I noticed this post – a lovely woman posted her friends email address to contact if you are interested about your story being documented. Well, it happened to be a great day for me!

I sent a quick email stating my interest to share! Recently, I was contacted by the woman who just completed this documentary – https://www.feeln.com/films/journey-of-dreams. [they are connected to Hallmark – WOW] She had been busy wrapping up a film and hadn’t forgotten about me. ‘Can I share my story with her.’ Well, I gladly did!!

I shared my story; some information that I haven’t been extremely forthcoming about for no other reason than I just wasn’t comfortable; and it seemed that it may make others uncomfortable. I included the newspapers articles from when I was first found and the one from done 35 years later, one of gratitude to my birth mother for having me.

I also am fortunate to have a copy of my foster care records, and the accompanying police report from when I was found. Attached those as well. Being found abandoned at approximately a day old with no knowledge of the birth parents did not make for a successful police investigation. Fifty plus years ago; information was not as easily shared, computers did not exist as they do today and the idea of an **unwanted child** is much more accepted.

Well, I received a response; the team is now considering my story for a documentary. This is huge!! People have been reporting incredible success with just posting their stories on Facebook. A documentary! WOW!! That can be the path to the MY TRUTH that I seek. The path to finding my ‘Original Tribe’.

Thank you Universe!

Thank you to the wonderful people at feeln.com!

Thank you to my wonderful ‘Original Tribe’ family!

Thanks to my ‘Life Sustaining Tribe’, how I got to here and now!

And most of all to my spouse & children that propel every success I achieve!

Note:

*This cousin, ‘3.8 generations’, is one of my closest original tribe family. We are in constant communication and it’s wonderful! AND, there are more cousins that I am also in VERY close contact with, 4th generation and beyond. The thing is, we are friends because we found out we are family. It is a wonderful feeling! We text, email, talk, try to Skype, share on Facebook. We hope to meet soon; for me with two toddlers and working full-time, etc., I have limited time and energy right now; but I look forward to that incredible day!

I guess I would have to call them framily!  They are supportive and informative and try to help me find out more information. I feel so fortunate.

**Now, here I would like to clarify ‘unwanted child.’ I really cannot speak of my birth mother and possibly birth father’s true intentions or feelings. I do not know what motivated her / him / an unknown helper / them. What I do now, they had some kind of spirituality / religion and they believed in the miracle of life. I can only conclude from their actions that they probably knew they were unable to care for an infant / child and hoped for the best.

More Stories of Mi Primos

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Unsure of even what the title for this should be; ‘more adoption stories’, ‘what an interesting DNA family we have’,

The bottom line is that I have found I am not so unique, not so alone. Our ‘DNA’ family seems to have a few more stories in the proverbial closet.

As I have delved into the world of DNA testing and been given a slew of ‘matches’ I have been privy to their stories as well.

There are several; these are the ones I know of:
AO – looking for her bio-dad. AS a an adult with an adult son; she finally heard the truth from her mom. She won’t believe anything until science, DNA test confirms it.

SO – Korean born, adopted West Coast, USA

BA – lives in the Carolina area, never had any identifying info

SM – really has no info, is looking

KA – figured it all out, denied by birth mother

MB – looking for immediate family info, parents perished at an early age; they were both 25. They left behind 5 small children to become orphans. Why are she & her siblings so fair with blond hair? What are there roots?

LF – born here on the East Coast, relocated to Europe where she has been for decades. Enlisted the assistance of a genealogical PI and found her mom & brother. After meeting & engaging with her bio-brother that has some serious emotional issues, she agrees with her mom; her being adopted out was the best thing the mom could have done.

SR – adopted out twice and then finally left home as a teenager. Out on her own, she is a success story. finally able to piece together her story because of another shared match that shed light. She knows her grandfather on his deathbed let her siblings know they had a sister out there and this regret could not go with him to the next plane.

DM & TB – sisters, they also have at least one other brother who I have noticed as a match for me in the DNA sites. They are looking for their dad.

SM – looking for her dad; was never in the picture growing up. Had no idea who he was. finally did DNA testing and a 3rd cousin to me matched her very closely.Turned out it was her dad’s first cousin. There was a brief reunion after he was ‘informed’ he had a daughter. Then it hit the rocks. Hoping that things work themselves out soon for them.

LV – very little info on her dad’s side of the family. One of many children spread far and wide … was he even ‘legit’?

Patricia – born in Spain, unsure of even her birth year, had surgery as an infant or toddler, scar to prove it. Her parents are probably from Puerto Rico. She has recently done DNA testing and is using social media and every other type of communication to get her story out. I am in awe of her perseverance, dedication, and all to well understand her obsession with finding out her truth. Her story  We are in connected through social media, email back and forth, but there is a caveat for me and this new found cousin is that we are separated not just by the ocean; but by language.                                                  Her story is pasted below!

HA – half siblings out there; they didn’t grow up together and so they shun their blood.

MN – adopted, found his mom; looking for his dad.
Has a good relationship with his half sisters.

AR – grew up with very abusive, abandoning and inattentive mom. Finally met his father. After meeting him, mother divulged he was a product of rape.

HO – a 2nd to 4th cousin that might hold a key, a false hope; his mom was adopted; no information there either.

Reached out – waiting to hear back:
H – adopted out as infant; looking for her birth family & roots.
A – adopted, knows birth name
I – grew up in an orphanage in the Bronx

MV – a cousin of a cousin. We actually share many cousins; we are thinking probably we are cousins – but have been unconnected through random recombination. We have connected through social media and she is actually the translating go between for Patricia & I. She too is looking for her dad.

 

Patricia’s Story!!!  Please feel free to share / re-post, talk about it / get the word out however you can!!!

New Information – Maternal surname – Adela / Paternal Surname – Thomas

Weighed in 2 lbs appox in the February 1976 – due to congenital heart condition? or low birth weight – unknown still at this time.

Mi busqueda realizada por Annette

IMPORTANTE
Esta es una historia real y tu oportunidad de ayudar a alguien- por favor léelo y compártelo. Patricia Perez Saes fue adoptada y criada en España y se acaba de realizar pruebas de ADN con las cuales descubrió que su madre es PUERTORRIQUEÑA. Su madre pudo estar estudiando en alguna universidad o residiendo en España entre 1974 y 1977. Pudo haber dado a su bebé en adopción voluntariamente, como pudo haber sido presionada o víctima de un esquema de robo de niños que hubo en el mismo hogar de adopción de Madrid en el cual estuvo Patricia, situado justo al lado de un hospital en el cual muchas veces le decían a las madres que sus bebé había fallecido, para darlo en adopción. Patricia es una prima lejana mía, según revelan las pruebas de ADN, pero tan lejana que hace imposible identificar por quién exactamente estamos emparentadas. La quiero ayudar a encontrar a su mamá y necesita la ayuda de puertorriqueños que compartan esto, para regar la voz, con la esperanza de que su madre vea esto. Quizás es alguien que ha vivido con el dolor de pensar a una hija muerta, o quizás apretar ese botón le da la oportunidad de una vida, de conocer a esa bebé que, por razones que desconocemos, entregó hace 4 décadas.
IMPORTANT
This is a true story and your chance to help someone-please read it and share it. Patricia Perez Saes was adopted and raised in Spain and just DNA testing with which he discovered that his mother is PUERTO RICAN. His mother could be studying at a university or residing in Spain between 1974 and 1977 could have given her baby up for adoption voluntarily, as might have been pressed or the victim of a theft scheme of children in the household were making Madrid in which Patricia was located right next to a hospital in which often were telling mothers their babies had died, to give it up for adoption. Patricia is a distant cousin of mine, as revealed by DNA testing, but so far it impossible to identify exactly who we’re related. I want to help find his mom and need help Puerto Ricans share this, to spread the word, hoping that her mother sees this. Maybe someone who has lived with the pain of thinking to a dead child, or perhaps push that button gives you the opportunity of a lifetime, to meet the baby, for reasons unknown, gave 4 decades.