Looking Back – Today’s Thoughts
When I started this blog, I had only one major goal in my mind; to find my truth!! but in retrospect; when I look in the mirror there is so much more looking back. Hopes, expectations, memories from childhood years gone by, from a few years ago and some from just lat year. Looking back is the culmination of two tribes colliding into one.
Although I am still on that quest, time elapses and I am still without that answers I seek. However, I have all these other thoughts floating around my head. Sometimes I feel the frustrations setting in when I have to clarify relationships; which tribe I am referring to. The ones who understand that statement more than any others are fellow adoptees.
My family; my life sustaining tribe I depend on for the little everyday things. It is sometimes harder now when I speak to people about a relative or ‘cousin’ because they need some sort of clarification.
For me; my family is my life sustaining tribe. As far as I can remember and for all of my years; they have been just that; simply my family. I am who I am because of them. I learned all life’s basic lessons from my parents, sister, aunts, uncles, grandparents, extended family. I continue to learn as my immediate family has grown over the years to include my nieces and nephews and my sons. I continue to grow to be a better spouse, mom, sister, aunt, niece and cousin, friend; and then more parts, Ewok lover, chef de cuisine, better baker, gardener – this year I hope, avid reader – again, international traveller. While I am at it – how about million dollar lotto winner – I guess I would have to play it. So many parts; have I covered them all?
This is where I get all my points of reference from; the day to day words and expressions that I share with my sister. The traditions I share with my surviving aunts and uncle and my many cousins. The language we all heard as children; but were never officially taught. Our parents felt comfortable using Italian phrases and words here and there; but adult conversations meant for their ears only went on in an Italian dialect from Sicily. Even the food and spices I go to daily; all stem from my life sustaining tribe.
DNA testing however has opened up a whole other side of who I am. another of my parts. I have discovered a slew of DNA cousins; mostly primas y primas. they too are supportive and wonderful. They have been welcoming and helpful. From them I have learned about some of my birth culture. I have learned some new words and sayings. I have learned about different traditions and foods.
From others I have learned the ins and outs of DNA testing and genealogy research. With these cousins I share a new found passion that has captivated so many of my waking hours. I have learned that there are some peculiarities common to my DNA matches. Many of us are nocturnal, we share some innate abilities. There is an unexplained easiness; how quickly we became comfortable with and are able to know / understand each another at some more intense level than what would be expected. After all we have only ‘met’ over the last few years. an understanding and acceptance that sometimes surprises me.
Most of all; I have learned patience for the answers I still seek from those that remain anonymous but show up as close DNA matches for me. First and second cousin matches; they are probably holding the key to the answers I seek.